Simon

Hello!

I would make sure you clearly define your chastity goal. A virtue is a living thing, an ornament for your soul that you keep forever. I’d say as a virtue it’s also a spiritual gift, I have to ask God to grant it to me and be willing to work for it. Avoiding porn (and anything close to porn), masturbation and sex outside of marriage are the fencing. The chastity cage is a tool to help enforce the fencing. There are a bunch of benefits to chastity, it’s a step in the direction of love. You might be addicted to your sexual behavior, so take the attitude of never giving up on chastity because It may take years of work to make significant progress.

I don’t wear the cage often but I would say that for me the testicle pain is minimized when the diameter of the base ring is as small as it can be without cutting off blood flow. It stays secure if it is snug.

  • Tjc likes this.

    Simon weighs a lot. So it will pull down as I move around during the day, w

    There are straps you can buy on amazon. I got one myself, they are really useful. They are especially made to ease cage-wearing for men.

    I personally prefer to date in communities of the same interrest as mine is. So, for example, if you have a hobby, try to find a group of like-minded people and get to kbow women there. Or go to a church community of an averange age close to yours.
    Then you get to know people there - and when you find someone you're interrested in, just get to know her better and better 😉

    Dating apps are senseless. You spend a lot of time with one person exclusively, one afer another, just to find out it's not the right one - whereas you could get to know many women at the same time. And when you figure out someone is not an option for more you have some aditional friends

      9 days later

      Hi everyone and thanks for your earnest comments, some of which had good insights, some of which prompted me to put my device in a drawer.

      I have found myself well able to live chastely without it - more able in fact.

      So I guess the takeaway is to not take too seriously the views and opinions of people who need to lock themselves away from their own genitals.

        Simon I have found myself well able to live chastely without it - more able in fact.

        May I congratulate you. I had great difficulty managing it.

        Simon So I guess the takeaway is to not take too seriously the views and opinions of people who need to lock themselves away from their own genitals.

        It's not the people that lock away their own genitals that are troublesome, but those who lock away their children's genitals.

              Avery I had great difficulty managing it.

              I am convinced that if you really want it you can active IT almost anything.
              If you have trouble to be chaste it May be Not the right goal for you. A Option could be you grant yourself one orgasm e. g. per month to get the urge down.

                  Joh I am convinced that if you really want it you can active IT almost anything.
                  If you have trouble to be chaste it May be Not the right goal for you.

                  I went looking for your age and couldn't find it. My opinion is you underestimate the sex urge in a 21-year-old girl who's used to getting it. And I'm used to pushing myself and denying myself through the running business. Plus I believe I'm correct in saying even @Ines has said she couldn't manage without a belt (though she has a partner and that makes it much more difficult). So that convinces me of the difficulty.

                      Avery It's different for each of us. at 50 it will be very difficult for me, and impossible at your age. But there are people that go without sex or orgasms for months. even years

                          Milord It's different for each of us. at 50 it will be very difficult for me, and impossible at your age. But there are people that go without sex or orgasms for months. even years

                          And I wonder about their circumstances and how they manage the sex urge. If they are prevented from having sex and/or orgasms, that's one thing. If they are not prevented then I want to learn more about how they manage.

                              Avery Sex urges are different in each of us. For some sex is very central, for others is a secondary thing. There are people who are asexual and have no sexual urges at all. I think that this is what @joh implied before: If you have such a strong sexual push, maybe removing entirely is unhealthy. At least I suppose is his idea.
                              Sex is very very different, and it's a very important manifestation of human nature. If I understand well your ideas (and of course feel free to correct me) it's a specific kind of sex (promiscuous, aromantic) that disturbs you, but this is only a way. Not trying to convince you of course! just raising a different point of view. My point is that you should do what makes you feel the best, trying to avoid bias (difficult even for me).

                                  Milord I think that this is what @joh implied before: If you have such a strong sexual push, maybe removing entirely is unhealthy. At least I suppose is it's idea.
                                  Sex is very very different, and it's a very important manifestation of human nature. If I understand well your ideas (and of course feel free to correct me) it's a specific kind of sex (promiscuous, aromantic) that disturbs you,

                                  I understand what @Joh was saying and yes, it's the hook-up type culture I was trying to escape. I think in retrospect I should have allowed myself to masturbate. It would be hard to articulate now why I didn't. If there's a next time I will (do myself, that is).

                                      Avery My opinion is you underestimate the sex urge in a 21-year-old girl who's used to getting it.

                                      Sure I may underestimate your urge because I am a men and can't compare it. What I have learnt in the course of my life from women about their sexual urge is that it is less pronounced than in men. But that could also be because they show it off less. Furthermore, I live in Germany and you live in the USA. Culturally, there also seems to be a difference when I look at the reports here. But I know very well my sex urge when I was in your age.
                                      Ultimately, only you can say what it is like for you and how you will deal with it in the future if you find yourself in the same situation again.

                                          Avery If they are not prevented then I want to learn more about how they manage.

                                          Open your thread and I will share my information about it.

                                          Avery I think in retrospect I should have allowed myself to masturbate. It would be hard to articulate now why I didn't. If there's a next time I will (do myself, that is).

                                          This will be a good way to get your urge down and minimise the hook-up risk.

                                              Avery I think in retrospect I should have allowed myself to masturbate.

                                              My perspective is obviously not yours; as a male I have refractory periods and all that stuff to deal with and sexual attraction towards people is a relatively alien concept to me. But I feel like avoiding masturbation would make it so much harder to abstain from penetrative sex, asin addition to desire you also have to fight the urge for physical pleasure; and unfulfilled arousal would only make a person more interested in sex.

                                                  Joh What I have learnt in the course of my life from women about their sexual urge is that it is less pronounced than in men.

                                                  My experience is that women need a specific target for their sexual urges, men just kind of generally want it from somebody. I think it helped me try to remain continent that I did not have a specific individual I wanted.

                                                  • Joh replied to this.
                                                  • Ines likes this.

                                                      youdontknowme But I feel like avoiding masturbation would make it so much harder to abstain from penetrative sex, asin addition to desire you also have to fight the urge for physical pleasure; and unfulfilled arousal would only make a person more interested in sex.

                                                      Yup. That's the problem.

                                                        Avery My experience is that women need a specific target for their sexual urges, men just kind of generally want it from somebody

                                                        Not for me. I have a certain aspiration, otherwise it will have no effect on me.

                                                        Avery I think it helped me try to remain continent that I did not have a specific individual I wanted.

                                                        This has certainly helped you as you have eliminated a source that could excite you.

                                                              Joh This has certainly helped you as you have eliminated a source that could excite you.

                                                              Glad to hear you recall that.

                                                              • Joh replied to this.

                                                                  Avery
                                                                  I am convinced that you have made a great effort to remain chaste. Especially when I consider that it's common for you to have sex with someone quickly without really having a long-term relationship in mind.
                                                                  You have given some thought to what you can change to minimise temptation. That's a very good approach to be successful. But I think you've made it unnecessarily difficult for yourself by giving up masturbation even though you weren't in a relationship. I think it's like giving up good tasting food in favour of food that contains everything you need but has no taste.

                                                                      Joh But I think you've made it unnecessarily difficult for yourself by giving up masturbation even though you weren't in a relationship.

                                                                      I think that is correct. If there is a next time I'm pretty sure I'd make that change. The key might be the word unnecessarily. I'm kind of conditioned to having to give up some things in order to achieve anything worthwhile.

                                                                      Thank you for your interest in this.

                                                                      • Joh replied to this.

                                                                          Avery
                                                                          You are welcome.
                                                                          I am convinced that in order to remain chaste, the first thing you need is the sincere decision that you want it. A chastity belt can help in an emergency or in dangerous situations which can be different in every region, but it is not the solution. That's why I support your approach and can only recommend everyone to start with it and not immediately lock themselves in a CB.