Seeking help and advice on situation

James

vyktoryah Being working class parents is never easy, for sure. I am very curious how your sisters will take this news. Did your conversation discuss their 'extreme' issues and their trouble with discipline and consistency?

vyktoryah

James me too i definitely wonder how they will handle it as far as i know right now only i know about this happening. my mom though said its not really my business to know the specifics but she did say that they would not have a place to live if they dont make major changes.

James

vyktoryah I'd honestly call and tell her, or call your dad and tell him it is your right to know the specifics - you won't tell your sisters if they don't want that - but you've not made the mistakes they have, nor have you agreed to this. So, like, spill.

My general opinion really remains if they are going to do this, what are all these other rules (and don't get me wrong, rules are helpful, especially if you want to go to college debt free) they want to have?

It's hard to say 'trust them' when they are what, 10 years short and 4 toddlers too late? Saying 'making major changes' is a nice phrase, but somewhat lacking in 'how'. Basic parenting here...It totally seems like they are making this up as they go along.

This I guess is where you get to truly decide. Because you can always just refuse like Jen said, but Jen didn't have to live with the chaos you do. Or you can say, "OK, you don't know what you're doing - I know you have no true plans, so do you - and so I will agree to this if I get to help shape this so it's good for me, and good for the family."

Sin

vyktoryah I have a different take to many of the people here, but I am of the opinion that locking BDSM devices on children (willingly or not) is child abuse. It is not okay for your parents to do this, they are making poor parenting decisions that can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health.

Any type of bribery or coercion is strictly illegal. For example, "We will buy you a car" or "You have to wear it or you won't go to college" or "We will kick you out"... all illegal.

Trying to hide metal bondage equipment in public is not something a child should have to endure, and being "outed" could lead to all sorts of legal ramifications for your family. Pennsylvania has mandatory reporting.

Be clear to your parents that what they are proposing is not okay. You hold all the aces in this situation and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

If you have any doubts, call 1-800-932-0313 and speak to a professional. They are there to help.

vyktoryah

James i feel like youre onto something with the making this up as they go. not necessarily making it up but i think my mom and dad havent actually set their mind yet on what is 100% happening and my mom keeps telling me bits and pieces of it so its just all messed up rn but i agree i wana know the specifics bc this definitely involves me too. i dont think they have no idea what they are doing i think they just have bad communication skills is all. they tried to prevent my sisters from doing this and when i was younger i took money bribes to not tell my parents they had people over bc i just really didnt know the lengths to which it was going and how bad things would get. so its partly my fault too i guess
my mom was also late for work when we were talking this morning though so im sure she will explain more tonight but i can still call her if you feel i should

James

vyktoryah I think you might as well call her - it'll be easier to get facts out of her now, in exchange to offering not to warn both your sisters. It also gives you time to decide what your response will be.

To explain the 'no idea what they are doing' - I mean they don't know how discipline actually works. Sure, they seem to have some thoughts about some plan, but you cannot simple tell someone, do advanced algebra OR ELSE and expect them not to fail. Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. So, really, I know it's tough but they need to accept and learn how to make strategies that work. Because lets also be real - they'll feel bound to adopt their grandkids if your sisters don't get their lives in some order. And if they don't adopt, your sisters have no real idea how to raise them firmly either, I'd have to guess.

I've seen it. It's not pretty. Happened to a cousin - did drugs to beat of the depression, she eventually abandoned the kids, lived on streets, my aunt saw her while begging once and now she lies in a grave. Dramatic situation, but it happens, especially with opioids in the US.

...and well yes, taking bribes is bad, but they were older and knew better. And frankly your mom and dad lost any excuses at kid #1.

vyktoryah

James im gonna give her a call pretty soon then. ill post about how it goes ty for everyones replies tho

Ines

Sin Any type of bribery or coercion is strictly illegal. For example, "We will buy you a car" or "You have to wear it or you won't go to college" or "We will kick you out"... all illegal.

Agree, and however it is not ethical.

vyktoryah

Sin its like i said though i kind of have too many good things going for me right now to bring the law into this. my mother pays for the internet for pretty much me alone bc we have unlimited data for phone plans, the internet isnt really necessary for anyone but me. she just knows its basically my life and wants me to not be in constant agony all day with having nothing to do or whatever. and i also get an allowance which i pay my final fantasy 14 subscription with and my music app too. i feel that would all go away if i brogut the law into this and if the law decided i shouldnt live here then id end up in some place IDEK and that scares me. i dont have any close relatives in my state bc my parents are from texas
but i dont intend on just being forced into this or whatever she does seem willing to work stuff out with me which ill be calling her here shortly

Ines

MaximeJourennes
Mmmm... No.
She have not to accept forced wearing.

MaximeJourennes

Ines She have not to accept forced wearing.

It's easy to say that. On the theory I agree with you. No one has to accept forced wearing.

But now that we said it, what do you recommend her ? Call the police ? It's not that simple I think

Sin

vyktoryah i kind of have too many good things going for me right now to bring the law into this.

You don't have to bring the law into it, you just have to explain to your parents that what they're proposing is child abuse, and that if someone finds out they would be legally obliged to inform the authorities. They would be looking at a jail term and they would be placed on a sex offenders register. So don't think for a second that anything YOU do will affect your family or living conditions... they are putting your family life in jeopardy and it is up to them to make responsible, ethical parenting decisions.

HHelen

vyktoryah neither have belts and both have 1 child, my 23 year old sister is named cari and she has a 4 year old boy named josh. and my 19 year old sister is libby and has a i think 2? year old girl and is pregnant with another

If I was your parent, I would start with the 23 y.o. and belt her instantly. I couldn't do it with the 19 y.o, because she is pregnant now, hence later on. I wouldn't belt you now if you promised to remain virgin.

Vanessa

vyktoryah i agree with that for sure! it definitely should apply to them

Fairer,but it would not help you avoid it.

And,if your sisters know you wanted your parents to use chastity belts on them too,they can haven resentment over you...

vyktoryah i just know the next 2 weeks at most because thats how delivery works

Have they measured you and your sisters(maybe without telling why)?

If not,the belt would probably not be a major brand one,and may not fit.

Ines I have sisters, and rules are the same.

Different as it is willingly.If she hasn't changed her mind,one of your sister is able to not wear as she don't want to,right?

James

A chastity belt is never a solution.

Jen Tell them you refuse
Tell them your not trying it

It worked for you,but not sure for her.

vyktoryah ill go to how ive always been pretty well behaved too and i do my chores and stuff.

It was not the case of your sisters?

Laura In my opinion,your parents should started with your older sisters, because they are already guilty

It would be fairer,at least.

vyktoryah to make an acccomadation with my sisters that if they want to live here rent free off my parents they need to wear a belt too.

Classical for reluctant wearers.

MaximeJourennes

I doubt it would help her,as she would probably be a reluctant wearer too.

HHelen I wouldn't belt you now if you promised to remain virgin.

But later,as for your daughter?

vyktoryah they no longer have locks on their doors starting tomorrow and they have to share locations with my parents on the iphone messenger. they also arent allowed to have anyone over and they need to start saving money to move out and they have to do almost all the chores except for the one i have and they are gonna be SUPPOSEDLY making dinner every night too.

They know it?How have they reacted?

vyktoryah belting a pregnant woman raises difficulties

Sure.

Maybe after her pregnancy,but it would be awful for her to know she would have it on in a few months,without being able to avoid it...Very stressful!

vyktoryah

Do your parents know it?

vyktoryah but my mom said she doesnt want me to touch myself anymore

Sorry for you...

And chastity belts are very effective to prevent it.

I guess it would apply to your sisters too.

vyktoryah she says that not masturbating can increases ur moods and you have more motivation to do things and get out of bed and youll wana work out and stuff. is any of that even true???

Only if you do this to distract you of your urges.

vyktoryah ive developed a major dependence on being with my friend who is an online friend though. we literaly spend all day if we can just doing stuff together.

Planning to live with someone you don't know well IRL is very very risked.I strongly advise you to take good care,and let your parents/friends(your friends,not his friends)know where you are,what you're doing and such.And waiting to know him well IRL,and after he met your family a few times before living with him would be better.

And even more,if he knows you're depressed and in troubles with your family,he can easily think you would be easy to manipulate.

vyktoryah

work keeps disrupting our call so she had to go but i did get a bit of info now. i still dont know my situation for myself but i know a little more regarding my sisters. they no longer have locks on their doors starting tomorrow and they have to share locations with my parents on the iphone messenger. they also arent allowed to have anyone over and they need to start saving money to move out and they have to do almost all the chores except for the one i have and they are gonna be SUPPOSEDLY making dinner every night too. that last one IDK about lol but we'll see. they are apparently being given a certain amount of time to show that they are gona do those things or they are just gonna be kicked out. the belts were apparently my fathers idea and someone here has mentioned that belting a pregnant woman raises difficulties so i definitely am curious how they are going about that. as for me i still dont really know i tried to ask but when we got to that area she just had a lot to say and it didnt really get anywhere becasue after she finally was done explaining how she feels she hadto go back to work so we just are gonna talk more tonight. im gonna probably plan some more about what to say bc i TBH dont wana be belted too but she definitely seems willing to work something out i think i just dont know what it is. shes always kinda lenient with me when we finally talk stuff through so ill let everyone know asap

James

vyktoryah Yeah, more or less sums with thoughts, but nice to see she's open about it. Definitely the 'we're belting you and you've these tasks but have no idea how you'll do them', approach (bound to fail, probably).

Also, do they plan on kicking out the grandkids with their daughters?

I guess my question for you is what do you want to do? Because you're in a critical 2-3 year period where you play your cards right and you can get a top collage scholarship etc. But that takes work and it would be nice to have some actual parental support for that to keep you focused.

vyktoryah

James idk if they do plan on that though i think thats more of a threat im not sure.. i really dont see them to be the type to actually put kids on the streeet and if they were they would have by now because one of my sisters is really unstable. but i honestly have plans on moving in with someone ive been super close with for the past like 3 years. and we were just gonna pay for ahouse together and split the costs with just a normal job or whatever. im not that smart really and i have bad adhd so school has always been a mess for me lol. so im really just waiting until im legally able to leave which i beleve is actually 16 but i also dont have my info atm. like i need my social security card because when we moved i think my parents left all that stuff at the old house on accident so now im trying to file for a new one but its been pretty hard with all the requirements and stuff. so i pretty much just gotta make it till then which shoul donly be like a year at most i think then im on my own with the like one person im really close with.

vyktoryah

UPDATE
i had a talk with my mom since she got home and i feel like i should wait before saying too much because she said we would talk later tonight too but she needs time to relax abit from work. so what i got out of her now is just that shes gonna make sure its all fair and it wont be unjust. she said she understands my concerns and its gona make sense when we discuss it later... so i guess ill update when we talk but she did say she has something important to talk to me about so hopefully thats some good news or something and not bad. wish me luck once again!!

Ines

MaximeJourennes Call the police ? It's not that simple I think

Of course it is not simple at all, they are her parents, but if the other option is tolerate abuses, then, I choose police if it is necessary.

Rina

Sin sex offenders

Seeing how sex offenders treated in US jails / prisons (watched some prison documentaries), if they get imprisoned / jailed for child abuse / sexual assault or any kind of crimes that minor is a victim, their life in jail would put their life into jeopardy…

I also think putting such equipment on children is abuse, period.

vyktoryah

Sin i feel like if someone saw that theyd most likely think its something im into as thats what i woulda thought prior to this happening but either way i really do wana still live here because i of course love my famiyl and i really only got a year left until i can move out. though i stilldont know whats happening i doubt the belt is gonna occur since they didnt mention it tonight

vyktoryah

UPDATE
so after a long talk we have come to some conclusions. theres really a lot i didnt wana have to bring up here because its just non relevant or was and its just really personal but for this to make sense i guess i need to explain properly. so heres aquick WARNING that this stuff im going to say is really serious and its a bad subject to really discuss in a lot of places.but ive made attempts at my life in the past and im depressed currently and i cut myself sometimes too. ive had many just major instances with my parents where we fight about this and then they wana send me to a hospital or something and overall ive just barely managed to get out of having to go to those places by saying the right things during these severe tense moments that my mom freaks out when she notices stuff and thinks i stopped. though even when i say the right things and dont get sent to a hospital my life still gets turned totally upside down. like the last time i had a bed time set, i wasnt allowed to leave without someone being withme, i couldnt take pills on my own, everyone hid the knives, and just abunch of other shit that made me just feel really bad i guess about myself idk i know they just wanted to help and were probably scared by what they saw but i just felt it wasnt the right way to handle it. but everyone i talk to about this says they were right and it infuriates me every time. anyway my dad though is super against porn and hes been doing researching online apparently and he says that porn increases your depression and my mom found a vibrator i own a few weeks ago apparently and has been talking with my dad about it and now they made me give them all my toys and they searched my phone and saw that i have stuff on there. sooo im ugh rn lol this all just sucks a lot but they dont want me to watch porn and "devalue my body and end up likemy sisters" i dont really see how me watching that is gonna do that to me though but anyway i still of course love them but my mom said she doesnt want me to touch myself anymore. she says that not masturbating can increases ur moods and you have more motivation to do things and get out of bed and youll wana work out and stuff. is any of that even true??? like idk what porn does to me thats so bad but she seems really upset like not as in mad but more so sad. i feel like shes disappointed in me and i wana prove her wrong and stuff but at the same time IDK whats wrong with watchin porn. its not even real porn its just hentai and like cat girls idk. sorry to rant im just frustrated atm but we didnt even talk about the belts so idk whats happening with that but i dont even wana talk to them at the moment so idc we'll probably talk more tomorrow so ill update then

Raziel

vyktoryah
First, welcome to the forum, you are free to speak your thoughts and seek for advice and help.
Second, personal habits actually releases stress, plus the best protection is zero activities outside your home.
Third, I would suggest to call a hotline if you are forced, coerced, or threatened to wear a belt against your will. As you are in the USA, you can call CPS or even 911. The moment you see that belt, you need to mention how much trouble your parents would be in. I believe 2 parents were arrested and jailed for many years (20 years or life) for keeping their daughter handcuffed to a bed. You need to stand your ground and be upfront with the potential consequences your family would face. Sure, it'll destroy the relationship, but you really need this as your sister's problems are now becoming yours.

Off topic, but I knew someone who lost her teen years cuz she had to deal with her older sister's kids by babysitting them while attending middle and high school. I don't want you to feel you are responsible for your sister's mistakes, either.

Fourth, as long as you are continuing to chat or vent, please do so here, so you aren't injuring yourself. You really need to value your life and know that you still have a future. Your life is not going to end up like your sister's, so please keep doing your best to live your best life. Your parents have NOTHING against you. Keep thinking of the positive and continue living for your success. You can make it, but you need to first step forward.

Rina

vyktoryah i dont really see how me watching that is gonna do that to me

It reminds me of "violent video games make people violent" kind of bs I kept hearing a lot of times. I play some violent video games like GTA series but nobody with sober and sound mind would be tempted to actually go out and shoot random people on street in real life.

Raziel As you are in the USA, you can call CPS or even 911. The moment you see that belt, you need to mention how much trouble your parents would be in.

It is a good idea. Making them know potential legal consequences would serve as a deterrent. I think most of states have certain group of people who are legally obligated to report such abuse if they suspect any signs of abuse. If your parents end up in prison for such offence, at least in US prisons, they'll be considered as "lowest kind of existence" among inmates on top of stiff prison sentence.

And keep anything that can be an evidence, as statute of limitation for such crime may be near indefinite (At least in my country such crime has no statute of limitation), so legal system can go after them even after you move out, if you report such abuse later as well.

Raziel Fourth, as long as you are continuing to chat or vent, please do so here, so you aren't injuring yourself. You really need to value your life and know that you still have a future.

I am trans, and despite living closeted now (Living with parents who aren't understanding...) and I developed strong hatred towards my life, but at least the fact that I have a truly loving partner who is affirming of my gender identity is helping me to navigate through my life a lot. She has been keeping me from harming myself...

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