Accidentally flashing chastity equipment in public

Sara2001

Angelina i am still amazed that it worked out that way. i always thought that it would create more conflict, but talking clearly helps a lot.

This is something you can't stress enough. If anyone ever thinks about entering a relationship with one partner who is the leader and another partner who is submitting to the other, talking is the key to happiness and success. Talking, talking, talking and reflection of what you two doo. And of course both need to feel that the other one has your long term goals and happiness as his first priority. Only when this is given, it can be healthy.

Jen

Sara2001 talking is the key to happiness and success.

And hopefully even finding a solution to go to for a swim

Angelina

Sara2001 And of course both need to feel that the other one has your long term goals and happiness as his first priority

that is the most important thing, of course. however, i would never say that it reduces conflicts, but rather that it ensures that the conflicts become more solution-oriented, i.e. that it is worth entering into this conflict (of course objectively and with respect for the opinion of the other person).

But I think that's a bit small-minded from me now.

Sara2001

Joh Wow. To name it play thing is an understatement, in my opinion 😉
Nevertheless you like it, do it.

We don't like to play with leadership and submission but we decided for true and real leadership based on love, honesty and trust and submission based on the same values.

Jen And hopefully even finding a solution to go to for a swim

We will see, I don't think it's very likely and it's not that extremely important for me.

Angelina that is the most important thing, of course. however, i would never say that it reduces conflicts, but rather that it ensures that the conflicts become more solution-oriented, i.e. that it is worth entering into this conflict (of course objectively and with respect for the opinion of the other person).

We think and made the experience that it's also possible to exchange opinions and to find a solution that is working for both of us without having a conflict. For us the key was to know the other ones points of view and of course it helps a lot that we have implemented the rule that he has to take care of my long term goals and happiness as the top priority while I have to take care of his short term wishes as the top priority. This way we have almost no conflicts and always a clear strategy how to solve them.

Joh

Sara2001 We think it's a play thing.

Wow. To name it play thing is an understatement, in my opinion 😉
Nevertheless you like it, do it.

Joh

Sara2001 We don't like to play with leadership and submission but we decided for true and real leadership based on love, honesty and trust and submission based on the same values.

Here you write it by yourself. It is no play.

Angelina

Sara2001

i'm almost jealous because it all sounds so well planned. you've managed to sort out pretty much everything without any major conflicts. i like planning too, but that's really impressive, but apparently also necessary for the kind of relationship you have. 🙂

Joh

sorry but at this point I agree with @Sara2001, for me BDSM is a game in the bedroom but not a real lifestyle.

Sara2001

Joh Here you write it by yourself. It is no play.

Yes and therefore it's not BDSM. BDSM is a sex game.

Joh

Sara2001 Yes and therefore it's not BDSM. BDSM is a sex game.

I agree and I didn't mention BDSM.
BDSM is also a lifestyle and not just a game. It is a name for a kind of relationship. What it ultimately is depends on the people involved.

LoonyMel

Sara2001

BDSM is not a simple sex game. It can be a serious kind of relationship and it must not be disregarded as a play thing or a simple sexual act.
It can be also a relationship with different roles and behaviors.

Yes, there are people who do it as a simple sexual act which ends, but there are people who live it with the same commitment that people here invest in chastity.

Joh

Angelina sorry but at this point I agree with @Sara2001, for me BDSM is a game in the bedroom but not a real lifestyle.

You are free to see as you like. Nevertheless some couples live it and not only in the bed room.

Angelina

Joh Nevertheless some couples live it and not only in the bed room.

well i'm not 100% averse to playing bdsm, in particular the b intrigues me to a point but it's not something i would do outside of my room

Joh

Angelina in particular the b intrigues me to a point but it's not something i would do outside of my room

If B is was you would like to try out you can do it outside of your room. Shibari has some body harness you can wear under your clothes nobody will see it if you cover it properly.

Angelina

Joh

i don't want to try it outside my room therefore it is a game in the bedroom for me and that's where it will stay. 😉

Angelina

LoonyMel It can be also a relationship with different roles and behaviors.

but then isn't that exactly the kind of relationship @Sara2001 has herself? i don't think she would describe it as a BDSM relationship.

Sara2001

LoonyMel BDSM is not a simple sex game. It can be a serious kind of relationship and it must not be disregarded as a play thing or a simple sexual act.

I thought it's called D/s or DD or TiH or TPE or something like this when it goes beyond sex play and become a 24/7 thing.

LoonyMel why stigmatize BDSM lifestyle so much?

I don't want to stigmatize this lifestyle, I just think/thought that when it becomes a 24/7 thing, it's more then BDSM. We would never even think about calling our relationship a BDSM relationship, but if anyone wants to call her/his lifestyle BDSM, that's perfectly fine for me, but I have no idea how the dynamic is working by this name. That's why from my experience other names are used like the names I mentioned above.

I think an important aspect is the question if pain is directly used to make it more sexy or to enforce the rules.

LoonyMel

Angelina

And I dare to ask:

1) if that lifestyle is something she defends and find comfortable
2) and that lifestyle is perfectly aligned with BDSM lifestyle, then

3) why stigmatize BDSM lifestyle so much?

I beg to pay attention to the word lifestyle.

Joh

Angelina
I am a fan of calling a spade a spade and not covering it up.
If you like it, what's the problem?
Who has the right to judge whether what you are doing is right or wrong when you can say for yourself it feels right?

The different names/abbreviations should help us only to understand what it means. Nothing more nothing less.

Angelina

LoonyMel 3) why stigmatize BDSM lifestyle so much?

i don't, i just doubt it's a lifestyle. if it is, it's like @Sara2001, a male-led or in other cases female-led relationship. a sub/top relationship.

Joh The different names/abbreviations should help us only to understand what it means. Nothing more nothing less.

i admit that i am sometimes a bit small-minded, but i, for example, would imagine a BDSM relationship that involves one partner being led on a dog leash by the other partner all day long, even in public. that is certainly wrong, but i would associate it with that.

Sara2001 I just think/thought that when it becomes a 24/7 thing, it's more then BDSM

I agree with you, I think so too

youdontknowme

Sara2001 D/s is a subset of BDSM, the part that deals more with hierarchy than with tying up or pain. The other terms you mentioned are pretty much ways in which a D/s relationship may work.

Joh

Angelina i admit that i am sometimes a bit small-minded, but i, for example, would imagine a BDSM relationship that involves one partner being led on a dog leash by the other partner all day long, even in public. that is certainly wrong, but i would associate it with that.

As I said, it is only a description. A suitable example would be:
Class: Car
Including subclass: sports car, station car, bus, truck.

It is only a description to differentiate it and not to rank it.

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