Sara2001 We don't like to play with leadership and submission but we decided for true and real leadership based on love, honesty and trust and submission based on the same values.

Here you write it by yourself. It is no play.

      Joh Here you write it by yourself. It is no play.

      Yes and therefore it's not BDSM. BDSM is a sex game.

          Sara2001 Yes and therefore it's not BDSM. BDSM is a sex game.

          I agree and I didn't mention BDSM.
          BDSM is also a lifestyle and not just a game. It is a name for a kind of relationship. What it ultimately is depends on the people involved.

              Sara2001

              i'm almost jealous because it all sounds so well planned. you've managed to sort out pretty much everything without any major conflicts. i like planning too, but that's really impressive, but apparently also necessary for the kind of relationship you have. 🙂

              Joh

              sorry but at this point I agree with @Sara2001, for me BDSM is a game in the bedroom but not a real lifestyle.

              • Joh replied to this.

                    Angelina sorry but at this point I agree with @Sara2001, for me BDSM is a game in the bedroom but not a real lifestyle.

                    You are free to see as you like. Nevertheless some couples live it and not only in the bed room.

                        Joh Nevertheless some couples live it and not only in the bed room.

                        well i'm not 100% averse to playing bdsm, in particular the b intrigues me to a point but it's not something i would do outside of my room

                        • Joh replied to this.

                            Angelina in particular the b intrigues me to a point but it's not something i would do outside of my room

                            If B is was you would like to try out you can do it outside of your room. Shibari has some body harness you can wear under your clothes nobody will see it if you cover it properly.

                                Joh

                                i don't want to try it outside my room therefore it is a game in the bedroom for me and that's where it will stay. 😉

                                  5 days later

                                  Sara2001

                                  BDSM is not a simple sex game. It can be a serious kind of relationship and it must not be disregarded as a play thing or a simple sexual act.
                                  It can be also a relationship with different roles and behaviors.

                                  Yes, there are people who do it as a simple sexual act which ends, but there are people who live it with the same commitment that people here invest in chastity.

                                      LoonyMel It can be also a relationship with different roles and behaviors.

                                      but then isn't that exactly the kind of relationship @Sara2001 has herself? i don't think she would describe it as a BDSM relationship.

                                          Angelina

                                          And I dare to ask:

                                          1) if that lifestyle is something she defends and find comfortable
                                          2) and that lifestyle is perfectly aligned with BDSM lifestyle, then

                                          3) why stigmatize BDSM lifestyle so much?

                                          I beg to pay attention to the word lifestyle.

                                              Angelina
                                              I am a fan of calling a spade a spade and not covering it up.
                                              If you like it, what's the problem?
                                              Who has the right to judge whether what you are doing is right or wrong when you can say for yourself it feels right?

                                              The different names/abbreviations should help us only to understand what it means. Nothing more nothing less.

                                                  LoonyMel BDSM is not a simple sex game. It can be a serious kind of relationship and it must not be disregarded as a play thing or a simple sexual act.

                                                  I thought it's called D/s or DD or TiH or TPE or something like this when it goes beyond sex play and become a 24/7 thing.

                                                  LoonyMel why stigmatize BDSM lifestyle so much?

                                                  I don't want to stigmatize this lifestyle, I just think/thought that when it becomes a 24/7 thing, it's more then BDSM. We would never even think about calling our relationship a BDSM relationship, but if anyone wants to call her/his lifestyle BDSM, that's perfectly fine for me, but I have no idea how the dynamic is working by this name. That's why from my experience other names are used like the names I mentioned above.

                                                  I think an important aspect is the question if pain is directly used to make it more sexy or to enforce the rules.

                                                        Sara2001 D/s is a subset of BDSM, the part that deals more with hierarchy than with tying up or pain. The other terms you mentioned are pretty much ways in which a D/s relationship may work.

                                                          LoonyMel 3) why stigmatize BDSM lifestyle so much?

                                                          i don't, i just doubt it's a lifestyle. if it is, it's like @Sara2001, a male-led or in other cases female-led relationship. a sub/top relationship.

                                                          Joh The different names/abbreviations should help us only to understand what it means. Nothing more nothing less.

                                                          i admit that i am sometimes a bit small-minded, but i, for example, would imagine a BDSM relationship that involves one partner being led on a dog leash by the other partner all day long, even in public. that is certainly wrong, but i would associate it with that.

                                                          Sara2001 I just think/thought that when it becomes a 24/7 thing, it's more then BDSM

                                                          I agree with you, I think so too

                                                          • Joh replied to this.

                                                                  Angelina i admit that i am sometimes a bit small-minded, but i, for example, would imagine a BDSM relationship that involves one partner being led on a dog leash by the other partner all day long, even in public. that is certainly wrong, but i would associate it with that.

                                                                  As I said, it is only a description. A suitable example would be:
                                                                  Class: Car
                                                                  Including subclass: sports car, station car, bus, truck.

                                                                  It is only a description to differentiate it and not to rank it.

                                                                      Joh

                                                                      i'm afraid i have to agree with you, i should perhaps think a little more before criticising something. i will pay attention to this in the future. 🙂

                                                                        Abby82 if you've been wearing the belt for 6 years, you must have outgrown the very first one. Did you get a bigger one yet? ?

                                                                          Abby82

                                                                          may i ask at what age was your belt changed? how old are you now 19/20 or? then you will probably have undergone the biggest changes physically, i don't think you need a new one unless the old one is damaged

                                                                            Abby82 But how would this get damaged? 😆

                                                                            i don't know exactly (but i keep thinking about how i can make it look like an accident). frankly, i would have thought earlier because a girl's body changes a lot during puberty. that's why i ask again about your starting age? didn't your body change too much until 17?