Pieter_Cuck I totally agree with you a punishment is not good if you still feel it the next day. The punishment must be bearable. @Diana_V
Check out this thread. Lots of material there on the subject.
maintenance punishment in male led relations?
Avery
Thanks
- Edited
My wife always want me to make decisions for every thing in life.Is that a Male-lead relationship?
Sara2001 But I think maintenance punishments as a mix are wrong.
I prefer maintenance discipline separated from punishment discipline.
Sorry, I don't get it what you want to point out.
Avery I think we all can agree that's wrong.
If a consensual they are free to decide to do so. We have not the right to decide for them what is right and what is wrong.
If you say this is wrong for yourself is a different thing.
sun My wife always want me to make decisions for every thing in life.Is that a Male-lead relationship?
Yes. If the dynamic of your relation has this outcome it is. It does not need any bespoken rules or agreement.
It can be a burden to decide all the time. If you feel tired then you need more space to make the decisions. Your wife should create it for you by doing other tasks for you.
Avery here where some person said their punishment was meant to be hard enough to still hurt the next day. I think we all can agree that's wrong.
No. We can not. I don't enjoy it when it's painful for several days, but it definitely leads to the desired results. It's very usual in this kind of relationship that a real punishment hurt for days.
Pieter_Cuck I totally agree with you a punishment is not good if you still feel it the next day. The punishment must be bearable.
I think it differs from relationship to relationship. My punishments always hurt more than a day and I know many others (out of my family) where it is the same. A punishment needs to hurt, otherwise we wouldn't work hard enough to avoid it.
Sin Consent is key. Otherwise it's abuse. No means no.
I agree, but consense that one partner is in charge and the other one is submitting is consense. This kind of relationship needs trust and a lot of effort from both partners. I can only submit to my boyfriend and follow his rules and orders because I trust him and can see and feel that my long term happiness and my long term goals are his top priority. I could never submit to someone who doesn't care for my needs as much as I care for his.
Joh Sorry, I don't get it what you want to point out.
When I get my maintenance discipline, it's not a punishment, because I haven't done anything wrong. That's a very important difference for me. For maintenance we have a long talk about our rules and how I feel with them and things like that before the spanking. It's about fine tuning the relationship and better understanding of eachother. It's about showing that we both still want this kind of relationship and that we still care for eachother. For punishment it's completely different. We have a lesson where we talk about a specific incident and I feel guilty. After the punishment I feel free and the incident is COMPLETELY solved between us. These things can't be mixed. At least this wouldn't feel correct in my relationship. Every discipline has a different goal and never just happens to administer pain.
Avery If the they are adults and in something resembling an equal power relationship.
Of course it can only be consensual between adults and from how I read it Joh sees it the same way, but I don't understand the second half of your sentence, too. I don't live in an equal power relationship and I don't want to live in an equal power relationship. I am happy to live in a male led relationship and that he has far more power then I have. Equal power is not what I want or what I need. What I want and need is the feeling that I as a person have the same value and that my wishes, goals and needs are covered in our relationship as well as his. As long as this is given, I don't need power.
Joh This I can understand and agree.
Of course there must always be a way to end this relationship from both sides. It has to be consensual. But even more important is that you have a system in your relationship that ensures that non of you wants to end the relationship and that's where maintenance sessions are a very helpful tool.
my corporal punishment hurts too, but not for days. I feel the mental punishments longer. Seeing her with her Bull hurts more than the corporal punishment.
Sara2001 It's very usual in this kind of relationship that a real punishment hurt for days.
No it isn't. You need to read more, or maybe less, if it's internet stuff.
Sara2001 I don't understand the second half of your sentence, too. I don't live in an equal power relationship and I don't want to live in an equal power relationship. I am happy to live in a male led relationship and that he has far more power then I have. Equal power is not what I want or what I need. What I want and need is the feeling that I as a person have the same value and that my wishes, goals and needs are covered in our relationship as well as his. As long as this is given, I don't need power.
As I said, you need to read more, or understand it. You have chosen this type of relationship. That's the key. You can choose. Can you really not understand there are people who can't? No, maybe not.
Sara2001 When I get my maintenance discipline, it's not a punishment, because I haven't done anything wrong.
I agree and since we have already covered this topic in detail in another thread I will ask @Laura to merge it.
I myself never believe in physical punishment, but after @Sara2001 has written a lot of sensible things about it, I would also say that maintenance and punishment are two different things. a punishment is only given to someone who has done something wrong, a maintenance is part of this relationship model.