Am i normal?

Andrew

Steve first, as i find it hard to open up and then she has to accept me as i am. which sounds stupid and generic but it really is a big problem here.

Maybe try looking on dating sites related to BDSM (if you would like a femdom/FLR relationship).

Steve

Andrew
i tried that for 2 or 3 years. there is a rather big website in the german speaking nations that offers exactly that. i thought about femdom/FLR for very long and i certainly would enjoy that or atleast don't mind it. "friendship plus" with my keyholder got me some experience in that case and i couldn't complain. but on such websites its 80% male and 20% woman... and of those 20% there are lots and lots of fake or dead profiles. so even after i opened myself up and decided to write someone, it was very disappointing most of the time.

Angelina

@Steve

I see the big problem in the fact that you already seem to be a very shy person and I really wonder if the belt doesn't make the problem even bigger?
What is the relationship status of your best friend?

Steve

Angelina
i guess it depends on certain aspects. if i get myself to talk with a woman and she is too.... hm lets say "quick"... i get scared because i don't know how to tell her that i can't (and wan't) to have sex right at the start. if i bring myself to speak about this topic, when she takes it rather slow, its awkward most of the time as no woman expects this kind of talk as it seems. i haven't figured out a good approach yet... it just seems to be rather hard to accept for women, here in austria.
my BF is single again since over 2 years currently. she had a short "sex only" relationship a few months ago, but that didn't worked out.

Steve

Jonas
i am. its hard to find someone that truely accpets you as you are. at least here.
she had 5 or 6 relationships this 16 years. each for a year or 2.

Jonas

Steve i am. its hard to find someone that truely accpets you as you are. at least here.

Maybe get a t-shirt with "Ask me about my chastity belt!" on it. Conversation starter, and, it would get the belt issue out of the way right at the outset of any relationship!! 😅

More seriously; the longer I spend in enforced chastity the more it becomes a part of who I am. I've made peace with it and so really don't care who knows about it.

The title of this discussion suggests that you're still worried about what other people will think about you. So I'm not totally joking about the T-shirt... What I'm saying is be proud of who you are and all you've achieved!!

With confidence, everything else will come to you.

Steve

MissBlossom
i appreciate those advices and i think you are right. i guess i wouldn't mind dating someone as long as she isn't too talkative about what she learned about me, if it doesn't work out.

Andrew

Steve so even after i opened myself up and decided to write someone, it was very disappointing most of the tim

Ok, I think I'm starting to understand your situation. Undoubtedly, it is quite difficult to solve. The only other thing I can suggest is moving to a city where people are more open to sexual kinks and where is bigger BDSM community.

Steve

Joh
maybe i should really take it a bit slow when i talk to woman about certain things... thank you for that advice 😃

Angelina

Steve

maybe you will develop a relationship with your keyholder, there seems to be no one who has been as intimate with you as she has and she already knows about your secret, so you can avoid the need to have uncomfortable conversations.
what do you think the chances are?

Jen

Jonas I've made peace with it and so really don't care who knows about it.

Easier like this

Steve

Angelina
Sry for not writing for a few days, but i tried your advice (i suggested this a few times before and she wasn't really positive about it).
We went out for a party night without getting too drunk and i brought up that matter again. She made some jokes and thought it was that, but i told her i mean it for real. After some awkward silence she told me to get another drink for both of us and she had to think about it, if i was really serious about that matter.

In the end we got home to her house and i stayed over night (in a separate room). In the morning she asked me again if i really want a relationship with her. I sayed yes and we spoke more about it...

After all she sent me home with some things to think about.

I won't get unlocked even if we enter in a relationship (at least for now).
She will take the lead in the relationship. However it won't be onesided as she wants me to be happy.
I should tell her best friends about my chastity and start to accept it.

There are some other minor requirements, but these 3 are the major ones...

Some advice would ve really appreciated

Sasha

Steve Not sure I’d accept telling her friends about it. If you wanted to share that would be different, but I couldn’t accept that as a requirement.
Her being the lead doesn’t sound all bad, if you’re happy with that no worries. But it seems that statement is based entirely on your chastity. I could be entirely wrong but that implies to me she sees you as sub based on that alone.
And the big one. I could not accept not being unlocked despite a relationship. To me there should be conditions to get that. A timeframe, engagement, marriage, a certain anniversary, etc.
hope this helps

Joh

Steve If you feel it it will be fine with her than why not but I recommend you talk about every detail in advance.

What does she understand taking the lead? In some parts or all of your relationship?
Under what conditions will you be open-minded and when and how often will you have sex?
If you can not fulfil her expectation will their any penalty?
What influence and in what way are your wishes taken into account?
If you decide you don't want to continue the relationship, will she hand you the keys straight away?
How should the finances be regulated?
If you live in a flat, who will be in the tenancy agreement?
etc.

Andrew

Steve After all she sent me home with some things to think about.
I won't get unlocked even if we enter in a relationship (at least for now).
She will take the lead in the relationship. However it won't be onesided as she wants me to be happy.
I should tell her best friends about my chastity and start to accept it.

The only thing I would have serious reservations about is the lack of unlocking. On the one hand, I understand her position, because she probably doesn't want you to see a relationship with her as a form of easy satisfaction. On the other hand, if your goal is to establish a normal relationship and have children, you should discuss this openly with her and agree on the rules under which you will be able to satisfy yourself.

Angelina

Steve Some advice would ve really appreciated

i would try it, in my opinion it is your best chance because she knows you, knows the belt and it avoids awkward conversations. also you have to keep one thing in mind, if you meet another woman, she will probably not like it if another woman has the key.

Steve I should tell her best friends about my chastity and start to accept it.

why should you talk to her friends about it? what exactly is the reason for it, i would only accept it if there is a really good reason for it.
You should also consider the questions @Joh has posted.

toad My question for the ladies here is always, does long term chastity lead to seeking a dominant partner?

my girlfriend is not dominant but i think it depends on whether the belt makes you feel submissive or not

Steve

Sasha

She is very open about talking about her sex life with her friends, so she wants me to be open about my chastity with em. Of the three points its my biggest concern. While she assured me they will keep it as a secret, i am still bothered.
Yes, i guess i would be a sub, but thats something i can probably manage. I know her long enough to trust her fully.
She will keep me locked for the forseeable future, as she thinks getting in a relationship with her shouldn't be an immediate reason to unlock me.

toad

i was just wondering if you've ever had an orgasm? Of course she will take the lead and of course you'll accept it. I think if i were you i'd ask what her defination of a relationship would be. Just as an outsider looking in, plus her early demands, i can only guess you're headed for complete female domination and ALL that entails. I also doubt that she would ever unlock you. But you would have love. I see a very demanding woman and a man that has not yet made peace with his own submissivness. All in all; i'd take the deal in a heartbeat. See you on fetlife soon!

Steve

toad
Before my chastity i masturbated... A lot.
It was one hell of a distraction and very addictive.
I don't bother if she takes the lead, as long as she makes sure that i am happy too.
I will be released when and if she sees it fit. A relationship with her on itself isn't enough to be unlocked in her opinion.

Steve

Joh
Of course we need to talk a bit more on details.
I might answer some of your questions now tho.

Until she thinks otherwise, i won't have "normal" sex at all. I will stay locked and won't get an orgasm or other ways of stimulations down there. She want me to pleasure her with other means (like wearing a strap-on or oral)

If i want to do something or i don't want to, i'll have to ask for her permission and she then considers the matter.

If our relationship doesn't work out, she will still be my keyholder (that was a hugh relief for me)

Everyone pays for his/her own lifestyle. We both own houses so thats also no problem.

Steve

Andrew
She will unlock me, when she sees it fit. She wants children in general, but we will have to work that topic out. I don't expect to be unlocked very often just to have "fun" tho

toad

" start to accept your chastity" after fifteen years? My question for the ladies here is always, does long term chastity lead to seeking a dominant partner? I've spent a lot of time in chastity over the years and for me it does. It seems you said that if you found a girl she would have to continue chastity and accept you for who you are. This sounds like the perfet situation for you. What does your ideal relationship look like? Equality? Kink? Big questions. I think if you get honest with yourself, you'll find that your KH is the right match. Either way it seems you'll stay tightly locked. May as well enjoy it with someone vs. staying lonely lost AND locked. It seems that your fate is as sealed as your boy parts.

Steve

toad

She means it as "being able to talk about it with people", which i have problems to do.
I have no problems being sub in a relationship as long as my partner loves me and makes me happy.
Still i would like to have sex with her on some occasions of she really is the right one for me. Guess time will tell.

Steve

Angelina
I really want to try. Pretty sure i can feel comfortable in a FLR.

The thing about her friends is, that she is very open with them about her sexual activities. So after a few days or weeks in a relationship we will have to bring up the matter. She thinks its best to tell them from the start, that we won't have sex the normal way for a while. Maybe it helps me being more open about this topic.

toad

i find it hard to believe chastity wouldn't make you feel submissive. But as they say everyone is different

Avery

toad i find it hard to believe chastity wouldn't make you feel submissive. But as they say everyone is different

Well you covered yourself by saying everyone is different but I've found attempting chastity has made me feel more in control.

Anniegreen

Avery for me it even makes me feel powerful ( over myself) because i can control my urges and also the urge ( when it happens) to ask to take the belt off

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