Steve as i am locked that long without ever experiencing sexual intercourse, i want to know what people think about it and what their arguments are.

Ah, absolutely understand this. Was just wary of the idea of seeking help for this choice and wondering if you're putting yourself under pressure to conform to others' ideas of what's right.

my best female friend/ keyholder made it very clear that she wont give me the keys otherwise

She must take it all very seriously to be so committed for so long. Does she regularly check you're still wearing? Why do you think she agreed to help? What does she think about your epic chastity marathon?

      Jonas
      She is a very kind person i have a lot of fun with, but yes she takes her part as my keyholder dead serious. Its a titanium cage with a PA Hook, so i can't take it off without a heavy tool. She has to "check" regulary because she takes it off every week or two to look if everything is fine and i get cleaned down there properly. I dont mind she is supervising me, while i clean myself. She even does it herself sometimes if i had a bad week and could use a moment of gentle caressing.

      When i told her about my wish to be locked up, she was like "wtf" first. But after some hours of talking she agreed on a trial phase if i really mean it seriously. We had some ups and downs at the start, but after all this years we never ended the trial phase. She even spend several hundred bucks and gifted me a custom fitted cage to my birthday.
      She is very supportive all these years, but also she teases me alot amd makes jokes about it sometimes 😅

          MissBlossom
          None. Living in the countryside is beautiful and very relaxing, but meeting a woman i feel comfortable talking about some topics is really hard. Most of em have a very specific opinion about how a man should be. Its even worse as everyone knows everybody and being to open about my lifestyle can lead to serious problems if they are too talkative about it.

              Steve
              I don't know enough about male chastity or long term denial to say much about them, but I see something concerning about your relationship with your keyholder.

              It sounds like you are in what the kids call "the friend zone," where you get just enough female companionship from her to dull your drive to pursue a relationship elsewhere, but not enough to satisfy your needs.

              The level of intimacy between you, where she watches you clean and sometimes cleans you, could also add to the complication.

              The usual advice I hear people give each other for getting out of "the friend zone" is to stop spending time with the other person, but for you that would be a huge change and probably mean quitting chastity.

              Something else to consider is that a 32 year old is very different from a 16 year old. You really have no idea what your normal life would be like today without chastity. (Not counting the first several weeks of freedom. Even I could probably predict what those would be like.)

                  Steve but meeting a woman i feel comfortable talking about some topics is really hard.

                  I have a feeling you're in a kind of vicious circle: you won't take the belt off until you've entered into a stable relationship, which you can't establish to a large extent just by wearing the belt. To stop them, you would either have to give up the belt or put more effort into finding a woman who matches your expectations. I don't see any other possibilities.

                      MissBlossom
                      maybe you have a point here. i could argue that normal "friendzoned" isnt about being a keyholder and the responsibilites that come with that, but i guess it really made me... hm not dull... but a bit picky when i search for a relationship. still i am very shy when talking to women i meet the first time and it takes a lot of time before i feel comfortable enough to open up and/or trust someone enough.

                      if i would stop spending time with her, to see if it gets me out of "Friendzone" and into a relationship, then staying locked is probably not the biggest problem. it would however end a very strong friendship that has gone through a lot.

                      it is true that i have no idea how my life would have went without chastity, but looking at friends and people i know since i was 16, i think that i haven't missed much. There are a lot of regrets, divorces, alimonies and what not there, because they where "young and stupid" as we say here. And yes, letting me out off chastity would be very "interessting" for the first weeks, i guess 😀

                          Andrew
                          i definetly prefer the later 😀 however it is really hard to find someone. first, as i find it hard to open up and then she has to accept me as i am. which sounds stupid and generic but it really is a big problem here.

                              Steve You sound very close to your friend. Important not to mess that up. Has she had relationships during this time?

                                  Steve i guess it really made me... hm not dull... but a bit picky when i search for a relationship.

                                  The perfect relationship won't just appear, no matter how long you wait. You have to work with someone to create it.

                                  Steve still i am very shy when talking to women i meet the first time and it takes a lot of time before i feel comfortable enough to open up and/or trust someone enough.

                                  Try asking women out before you know them well, and then using your dates to figure out how well matched you are. There's no harm in dating someone a few times, realizing it won't work, and respectfully ending it.

                                        MissBlossom The perfect relationship won't just appear, no matter how long you wait. You have to work with someone to create it

                                        Great advice.

                                          Steve find someone. first, as i find it hard to open up and then she has to accept me as i am. which sounds stupid and generic but it really is a big problem here.

                                          This problem have everyone. As @MissBlossom recommended you have to talk to them and it could be via mails first and on several dates. With time you will be easier on dates and finding out if she match you or not. Also their is no need to tell her at the beginning about your chastity. You don't want sex in the early state is sufficient to tell.

                                          I active searched for my current partner over one year. So it needs time anyway.

                                              Steve first, as i find it hard to open up and then she has to accept me as i am. which sounds stupid and generic but it really is a big problem here.

                                              Maybe try looking on dating sites related to BDSM (if you would like a femdom/FLR relationship).

                                                  @Steve

                                                  I see the big problem in the fact that you already seem to be a very shy person and I really wonder if the belt doesn't make the problem even bigger?
                                                  What is the relationship status of your best friend?

                                                    Jonas
                                                    i am. its hard to find someone that truely accpets you as you are. at least here.
                                                    she had 5 or 6 relationships this 16 years. each for a year or 2.

                                                        MissBlossom
                                                        i appreciate those advices and i think you are right. i guess i wouldn't mind dating someone as long as she isn't too talkative about what she learned about me, if it doesn't work out.

                                                          Andrew
                                                          i tried that for 2 or 3 years. there is a rather big website in the german speaking nations that offers exactly that. i thought about femdom/FLR for very long and i certainly would enjoy that or atleast don't mind it. "friendship plus" with my keyholder got me some experience in that case and i couldn't complain. but on such websites its 80% male and 20% woman... and of those 20% there are lots and lots of fake or dead profiles. so even after i opened myself up and decided to write someone, it was very disappointing most of the time.

                                                              Joh
                                                              maybe i should really take it a bit slow when i talk to woman about certain things... thank you for that advice 😃

                                                              • Joh likes this.

                                                                Angelina
                                                                i guess it depends on certain aspects. if i get myself to talk with a woman and she is too.... hm lets say "quick"... i get scared because i don't know how to tell her that i can't (and wan't) to have sex right at the start. if i bring myself to speak about this topic, when she takes it rather slow, its awkward most of the time as no woman expects this kind of talk as it seems. i haven't figured out a good approach yet... it just seems to be rather hard to accept for women, here in austria.
                                                                my BF is single again since over 2 years currently. she had a short "sex only" relationship a few months ago, but that didn't worked out.

                                                                    Steve so even after i opened myself up and decided to write someone, it was very disappointing most of the tim

                                                                    Ok, I think I'm starting to understand your situation. Undoubtedly, it is quite difficult to solve. The only other thing I can suggest is moving to a city where people are more open to sexual kinks and where is bigger BDSM community.