Angelina I have one request to you. if you want to tell me something, then please mark me directly and do not talk indirectly with others, I find that a little unfriendly because I prefer to discuss directly

Oh, sorry, that was not my intention. I often just quote the last comment to the thread, because I know you and others will read it anyway.

I think you may don't see that your father raises you in a way that you have submit to him in a drastic way. Especially that you have to work for several hours a day to get a longer chain between your tightbands shows this very clear. If he would see security issues, why offers he a longer chain in exchange to additional work? This has nothing to do with becoming responsible. But I see that we have different opinions about this point, so it most probably doesn't make sense to change the same arguments again and again. 🙂

Vanessa Do your boyfriend think the same,or will he take more care to make it easier for you?

He is definitely more open about making some things easier but definitely not as easy as possible, but I would never expect this.

Vanessa I can understand it.I think too the feelings can be very different when doing it after marriage instead of because of parents' decison.

Forcing me against my will, will definitely lead to a "no" during wedding🙂

Vanessa Even your boyfriend wouldn't accept you to drive?It is very old-fashioned and restrictive...I hope there isn't too many rules like this one...

Yes, he doesn't want me to make a drivers license or to leave the house without his knowledge. I will have very similar conditions like my mother has now. No leaving without permission, no spending money without permission, not ordering by myself in a restaurant, things like that. I can accept this because I know he takes good care of me and is making sure that I get what I need to be happy. I think he will almost never deny the permission.

            Sara2001 Oh, sorry, that was not my intention. I often just quote the last comment to the thread, because I know you and others will read it anyway.

            I think you may don't see that your father raises you in a way that you have submit to him in a drastic way. Especially that you have to work for several hours a day to get a longer chain between your tightbands shows this very clear. If he would see security issues, why offers he a longer chain in exchange to additional work? This has nothing to do with becoming responsible. But I see that we have different opinions about this point, so it most probably doesn't make sense to change the same arguments again and again. 🙂

            I disagree with you on all points but I'm not angry with you anymore 🙂

            Sara2001 Yes, he doesn't want me to make a drivers license or to leave the house without his knowledge. I will have very similar conditions like my mother has now. No leaving without permission, no spending money without permission, not ordering by myself in a restaurant, things like that. I can accept this because I know he takes good care of me and is making sure that I get what I need to be happy. I think he will almost never deny the permission.

            these are very hard conditions, i don't think i would accept it but it is your relationship and you must be happy with it

            it could also be an advantage for daniel if you get a driver's license. for example he could drink alcohol when you go out together 😉

                  Sara2001 He is definitely more open about making some things easier but definitely not as easy as possible, but I would never expect this.

                  I hope he would accept way more things,however,even if it seems he'll be pretty strict about it,too...

                  Sara2001 Forcing me against my will, will definitely lead to a "no" during wedding🙂

                  It's wise.

                  Sara2001 Yes, he doesn't want me to make a drivers license or to leave the house without his knowledge. I will have very similar conditions like my mother has now. No leaving without permission, no spending money without permission, not ordering by myself in a restaurant, things like that. I can accept this because I know he takes good care of me and is making sure that I get what I need to be happy. I think he will almost never deny the permission.

                  I think it is very limiting...A bit too much in the modern world,even in a man led relationship,in my opinion.

                  About not denying the permission,it reminds me something I had to do when younger.When I ate,with my parents,with family or family's friends,my parents often told me,if I wanted to leave the table,I must ask them and they would almost always allow me.It was not very useful,so,but it was more polite and well mannered.They always kept their promise,but,if I left the table without asking,I was severely spanked and grounded a few days as soon as we came home,so I mainly accepted it(same rule,and punishment,for my twin).If I understood it and accepted it at this time,I think the fact your boyfriend use the same way,for different parts of your life,a bit unusual.As if he should not consider you as mature enough to take such decision.

                  About the restaurant,would he "only" order it for you,or would he decide what you would have to eat?

                  Angelina these are very hard conditions, i don't think i would accept it but it is your relationship and you must be happy with it

                  I agree.Even if I had troubles to understand it.

                  Angelina it could also be an advantage for daniel if you get a driver's license. for example he could drink alcohol when you go out together 😉

                  Right point!😉

                              Vanessa .As if he should not consider you as mature enough to take such decision.

                              this is exactly what my father gives as a reason why a married woman should not wear a cb

                              Vanessa About not denying the permission,it reminds me something I had to do when younger.When I ate,with my parents,with family or family's friends,my parents often told me,if I wanted to leave the table,I must ask them and they would almost always allow me.It was not very useful,so,but it was more polite and well mannered.They always kept their promise,but,if I left the table without asking,I was severely spanked and grounded a few days as soon as we came home,so I mainly accepted it(same rule,and punishment,for my twin).

                              a hard rule but understandable. this rule promotes good behavior, even if it is difficult I would support the rule, but not the punishments

                              Vanessa About the restaurant,would he "only" order it for you,or would he decide what you would have to eat?

                              I wonder that too, if he only ordered for her it is ok, if he decides what she may eat it is absolutely not ok

                                      Vanessa hope he would accept way more things,however,even if it seems he'll be pretty strict about it,too...

                                      I can accept strict leadership as long as it is out of love. I don't need independence when I feel protected and that he cares for me.

                                      Vanessa I think it is very limiting...A bit too much in the modern world,even in a man led relationship,in my opinion.

                                      I think it's very common in this kind of relationship.

                                      Vanessa I think the fact your boyfriend use the same way,for different parts of your life,a bit unusual.As if he should not consider you as mature enough to take such decision.

                                      Yes, basically that's true but it has nothing to do with maturity. It doesn't matter if I would be able to decide all this on my own. He likes it to be in charge of these points and I happily accept it if it makes him happy and if he denies it only for good reasons.

                                      Vanessa About the restaurant,would he "only" order it for you,or would he decide what you would have to eat?

                                      I suggest what I like, he could order whatever he sees fit, but he always ordered what I wanted.

                                                Sara2001 Having some task is definitely useful but additional tasks to reduce the security of your equipment from ultra save to very very save?

                                                Here I disagree, once more 😆. I think that improving in situation has to be giving more freedom to the girl, allowing us make more things, be more comfortable, trusting in us.
                                                I think security is out of the equation. If I some day have a daughter who wishes wear a belt, we could talk about everything, but precisely, the point of wear a belt, is maintain us secure. The most, the better.
                                                And I again disagree in the way of treat girls, I think we should be treated as princess of the house, and anything our jeyholders can do to make us feel better, they should do it.
                                                I respect your opinions, but far away of mine.

                                                    Ines

                                                    very poetically said 😉

                                                    and except for the part in the middle with the more security the better, i agree with you. i don't feel further restricted by the additional tasks. on the contrary, working with my father in the office is a lot of fun and i learn a lot for my later professional life 😃

                                                    even if it doesn't fit the topic i have a short question : how did your school exams go ?

                                                        Angelina this is exactly what my father gives as a reason why a married woman should not wear a cb

                                                        I can understand his opinion.

                                                        Angelina a hard rule but understandable. this rule promotes good behavior, even if it is difficult I would support the rule, but not the punishments

                                                        Yes,I didn't like it a lot(especially when I got older),but I knew it was not a good idea to rebel willingly against it by leaving the table without asking...But I understood why.

                                                        Sara2001 I can accept strict leadership as long as it is out of love.

                                                        It is necessary.

                                                        Sara2001 I think it's very common in this kind of relationship.

                                                        I think it is very extreme in your case...

                                                        Sara2001 Yes, basically that's true but it has nothing to do with maturity. It doesn't matter if I would be able to decide all this on my own. He likes it to be in charge of these points and I happily accept it if it makes him happy and if he denies it only for good reasons.

                                                        and

                                                        Sara2001 I suggest what I like, he could order whatever he sees fit, but he always ordered what I wanted.

                                                        It seems he likes to be allowed to tell you what you can do or can't do and expect you to obey him(or punish you if you don't,I guess),but generally agree to give you the freedom you asked for.If he always acts this way,no problem,but if he decide to be more strict and don't allow you what you asked,I think it would be way too strict.

                                                        Ines I think that improving in situation has to be giving more freedom to the girl, allowing us make more things, be more comfortable, trusting in us.

                                                        I feel a bit like you and @Angelina;having more important tasks to do is a pleasant sign of trust from my parents.

                                                        Angelina how did your school exams go ?

                                                        I would like to know it too.

                                                                          Vanessa I think it is very extreme in your case...

                                                                          If you search the internet you find a lot of women with more or less the same rules. Some are allowed to leave the house to go to predefined places like the grocery store, some are not allowed to leave the house without their husbands at all. Some have a little budget but have to collect recites, others have absolutely no access to money and you can continue this list with almost every rule I have. From what I can find on the internet, I am more or less in the middle and it could be a lot stricter.

                                                                          Vanessa It seems he likes to be allowed to tell you what you can do or can't do and expect you to obey him(or punish you if you don't,I guess),but generally agree to give you the freedom you asked for.If he always acts this way,no problem,but if he decide to be more strict and don't allow you what you asked,I think it would be way too strict.

                                                                          He normally only denies something for a good reason and from time to time to remind me that it is not only a formal thing, but this never happens when it has really drastic consequences.

                                                                                Sara2001 I am more or less in the middle and it could be a lot stricter.

                                                                                it's not about whether it could be stricter or not, but about whether you are still happy with this strictness. you can't compare something like that because every woman feels it differently, what is too strict for @Vanessa and me is ok for you, and what is too strict for you can be ok for other women 😉

                                                                                    Angelina I thought a lot about this point. I think I can accept many restrictions as long as I can still do what is important for me, like staying in contact with my friends and family, having some time for myself to relax and just do nothing, having time for my hobbies or just watch a movie I like from time to time. It's really not so much. As long as this is given I can accept even very strict rules as long as they are out of love. I don't need to be responsible for money or appointments or things like that. To be honest, I feel under good care of Daniel and since then I don't miss these advantages a lot. It was a bit different before I meet him, but nowadays I am very happy.

                                                                                        Sara2001

                                                                                        hmm i have thought a lot about it, especially about the point if you want to meet your friends. are you allowed to leave the house alone ? how is it if you meet friends of yours by chance and daniel doesn't know them, are you allowed to talk to your friends or do you need his permission ?

                                                                                        I know I'm repeating myself, but I think you can make a contract about that too 😉

                                                                                            Sara2001 From what I can find on the internet, I am more or less in the middle and it could be a lot stricter.

                                                                                            Well,I guess so,it could be way stricter,even if it si still very strict,in my opinion.

                                                                                            Sara2001 He normally only denies something for a good reason and from time to time to remind me that it is not only a formal thing, but this never happens when it has really drastic consequences.

                                                                                            Good he doesn't do it for important things,but I don't feel it is very fair to refuse you to have a permission only to show you he can do it...I hope he wouldn't do it for long,only at the start.

                                                                                            Sara2001

                                                                                            I agree that if you can do it and that rules are done out of love,it can be manageable.I wouldn't like it,but I can understand you may be happy this way.

                                                                                            Angelina hmm i have thought a lot about it, especially about the point if you want to meet your friends. are you allowed to leave the house alone ? how is it if you meet friends of yours by chance and daniel doesn't know them, are you allowed to talk to your friends or do you need his permission ?

                                                                                            Good questions.

                                                                                                    Angelina are you allowed to leave the house alone ?

                                                                                                    Yes, I just have to ask permission.

                                                                                                    Angelina how is it if you meet friends of yours by chance and daniel doesn't know them,

                                                                                                    No problem. I can talk to anyone I want.

                                                                                                    Angelina do you need his permission ?

                                                                                                    Outside of his parents house I don't need a permission to talk.

                                                                                                    Angelina I know I'm repeating myself, but I think you can make a contract about that too 😉

                                                                                                    That's not how it is working for us because sometimes something doesn't need to be written down to be forbidden or allowed. It always depends on the situation and it is acceptable that this means a little risk for me because I can be sure that Daniel is strict but fair.

                                                                                                              Sara2001 That's not how it is working for us because sometimes something doesn't need to be written down to be forbidden or allowed. It always depends on the situation and it is acceptable that this means a little risk for me because I can be sure that Daniel is strict but fair.

                                                                                                              i see it completely different, every situation can be included in a contract as a rule with permission or punishment. you have a pretty complex relationship and i think it would be very useful. i think it's good that you trust daniel a lot that he is fair, but i think it's pretty shortsighted

                                                                                                              concerning the other points, it seems to be strict but ok 😉

                                                                                                                  Angelina i think it would be very useful

                                                                                                                  I think it would destroy the relationship. It would end in discussion about paragraphs and details.

                                                                                                                  Daniel is in charge and sets my boundaries. It's not perfect but because I know his idea behind everything I can adapt this to any situation. I never had a situation where I felt unfairly punished for something I expected to be okay. At least after the lection I always agree that I should have known better, but that I don't realize anything before before the lecture is very, very rare. I am not sure it ever happened with Daniel only a few times with my father in 18 years.

                                                                                                                      Sara2001 I think it would destroy the relationship. It would end in discussion about paragraphs and details.

                                                                                                                      apparently this system does not work for you 🙁

                                                                                                                      if my discussions about contracts would destroy the relationship, then this person knows me too little

                                                                                                                        Sara2001 Yes, I just have to ask permission.

                                                                                                                        Still very restrictive.

                                                                                                                        Sara2001 Outside of his parents house I don't need a permission to talk.

                                                                                                                        Good you are mr efre to talk,generally!

                                                                                                                        Angelina i see it completely different, every situation can be included in a contract as a rule with permission or punishment. you have a pretty complex relationship and i think it would be very useful. i think it's good that you trust daniel a lot that he is fair, but i think it's pretty shortsighted

                                                                                                                        I think @Sara2001 is right.It would be way too complex and won't cover any situation,due to the big number of rules they use.Some guidelines are better,in this case,I think.

                                                                                                                        Sara2001 I think it would destroy the relationship. It would end in discussion about paragraphs and details.

                                                                                                                        I think too it would be hard to write it.

                                                                                                                        Sara2001 that I don't realize anything before before the lecture is very, very rare

                                                                                                                        Good.You could felt unfairly punished in such case.Even if,in my case too,not understanding how a rule apply to a situation well enough is not an excuse to avoid a punishment.

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